Things

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Tan L @RT45530717 Sep 5, 2025 It's wild to me that this made it into production and then release. It feels like the two main characters are learning their lines while the camera films them. Like they are halfway into it and thinking of an excuse to go do something else. It's a good watch if you have a black hole of morbid curiosity, like myself. Full bush in the first 2 minutes. See more Benjamin H @RT24973379 Mar 7, 2024 If I was God, and I heard this product was not only being made, not only being promoted, but actually released, then I would invite Satan over to manage the heavens so I could personally eradicate my failure below. See more tom k @RT28982756 Jun 8, 2021 Watched this on The Last Drive In with Joe Bob Briggs and although it is a horrible piece of trash, JBB pointed out that like all films, this was a group of friends with extremely limited resources simply trying to tell a story. I can appreciate it just for that and find a way to enjoy it. See more Jan 16, 2020 Worst. Canadian. Movie. Ever. See more Feb 29, 2016 NOTE: This film was recommended to me by Kenn Meehan for "Steve Pulaski Sees It." Andrew Jordan's Things is one of those straight to VHS oddities that came out in the late eighties, and something along the same lines of a blue moon appearing on Friday the 13th in addition to all the planets aligning occurred to give the film a present day cult following. Films like this are lucky to get any kind of due, as most of them went released directly into obscurity. Things, however, thanks largely to the internet and the old idea of "going viral" in the days of VHS, managed to survive and thrive. Things is a pretty stupid film; its aesthetic can only be described as "scuzzy," the "acting" on display feels more like videotaped hangouts between two friends, and the entire thing carries the vibe of a home movie meant for an in-home projector that's on the fritz. The film revolves around two friends (Barry J. Gillis and Bruce Roach), who basically get together to drink a boatload of beer and eventually fight a grotesque looking creature. Gillis' character comments about how his wife and him are incapable of reproducing, which leads to him urging his wife to undergo an experiment where she gives birth to a series of demonic-looking ants that disrupt the buds' casual hangout. Also in this for the long haul is porn star Amber Lynn in a pretty useless role as a reporter who keeps coming back to inform us what is going on in the story; even with her commentary, Things is still a task to watch because most of the film is meaningless, low-lit conversation handicapped by poor audio quality. If nothing else, the film has a claustrophobic element, even though the film's narrative approach is something very realistic and commonplace. It sets itself up to model after some of the best horror films of its respective era, but once you realize the characters depressingly do and say so little, the overall effect winds up being tedium and lack of interest. Predictably, there is a legion of fans quick to justify and affirm the quality (or lack thereof) in Things called "Things-ites." As usual, I find myself on the outskirts of most cult followings, residing far back enough to distance myself but not far enough where I can't respectfully observe. In this case, the "Things-ites," in this case, should also be commended for their ability to sit through this film more than once. Starring: Barry J. Gillis, Andrew Jordan, Bruce Roach, and Amber Lynn. Directed by: Andrew Jordan. See more Jul 27, 2014 The quintessential so-bad-its-good 80s shot-on-video horror film. Everything about this movie is a shining example of why I love low budget horror movies. You don't so much watch Things as you do trance through it. It is an exploding nuclear weapon of bad edits, horrible post sync dubbing, atrocious acting, over the top special effects, extremely surreal atmospheres, backwards logic, insanely bad dialog, trippy lighting and an almost unfollowable plot: A man asks a woman in a devil mask to give him and his wife a baby. The man's brother comes to visit, bringing his buddy along, and almost immediately there is a mishap with the wife's pregnancy. Then after that, you're pretty much on your own.. A beautiful trainwreck that was the very first shot-on-video feature for the Canadian home video market. See more Read all reviews

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